Fragility and Fun

Every once in awhile I think about all of the stupid shit I did as a teenager-wait, even before that considering I had two concussions from bikes before I was 8- and am thankful to have a functioning body. My friend Brad sent this clip and said, 'this made me think of you.'


Into the Void - Johnny Devlin from Shadow Conspiracy.


It has been a long time since doing any of that on a bike came naturally or with ease. And I'm talking the 'easier' stuff, none of this 180-ing into rails and then 180-ing out that I've never been able to do. Bikes. Such a medium. Meanwhile though, I fall off of my road bike doing wheelies. So dumb because I actually hurt myself. Had my hands on the brakes, was three pedals in and WHAM! I'm on my ass. Thud. I thought I broke my tailbone. It still hurts ten days later and I have been beating myself up over it. How could I be so dumb? Why do I do these things? How did I let myself fall?

But I'm over that. If I start self-restricting risk and danger it would require an alteration of my entire life. Every day I'm on my bike is a risk. Whether I'm cruising along on the Eurotour or splitting lanes at 20 MPH on my track bike. If I didn't mountain bike and jump stuff I would go insane. I self-reflected on this in my Dan Cortese vs Noam Chomsky post last summer.

Those who take less risk have said, 'Just stop doing what's dangerous then you don't have to worry.' What's the exchange for that life and is it worth it? So much is dangerous. 'How do you think we can get up there?' comes up far too often. The blizzard on the East Coast reminds me of high school where we drove around 6 deep in an SUV with shovels and ladders finding our way onto buildings to jump off into snow piles. The time I jumped off a three-story building over a road and that feeling still gives me chills...

I am scared to death (which is a funny statement right?) of being seriously injured or killed. Not a day goes by where I don't take a deep breath and think, 'Wow, that could have killed me'. Not long after I watched this video and fell I heard the news that an ultra-cyclist named Bruce Taylor died from his injuries in a bicycle crash here in Southern California. We've done the same events. I've ridden with him. He was on a bike path. Safe, right?

Weighing risk is the basis of public health. We all do it. But knowing what is in us and how we want to act when not restricted is fundamental in understanding what 'danger' is and how we use it and feel it. I'm watching this (on mute with Jay-Z playing: better):





and thinking about the summer while nursing my injury...which really is pretty minor so why worry? Is death and injury a reminder of our fragility and a sign to live more or a warning to take it easy? I'm pretty sure I know the answer and I have the French to thank for articulating it:

We want nothing of a world
in which the certainty of not dying from hunger
comes in exchange for the risk of dying from boredom.

2009 Mammoth Mountain Bromance Slaycation

I don't know about everyone else, but often I feel pulled in multiple directions at once. Because I've put so much emphasis in my life on being an example, politically, ethically, etc, this struggle manifests itself daily. Hourly? As an activist, professionally, intellectually, personally, athletically, spiritually, adventure(lly?)....all of it gets rolled into the ball that is my life. Sure, it feels great to ride my bike with my housemates over to the Eco Village to pick up our bulk Dr. Bronner's, organic dry beans, hemp milk, etc, but there's a part of me deep down that misses BMX. Not just the riding, but the whole lifestyle that ruled my life from pretty much age 12 to 20.

Gondala ride to 11,000ft. The faces they are making is a movie reference I didn't get.

It wasn't all narcissistic and 'extreme'. My friends and I would do anything for each other and we worked hard to build all of those trails and to travel the world to ride our bikes. We really were part of an international community and it forever changed my outlook on the world. Since then there have been some issues where overlap occurs, for example I regret being too punk in college to buy a mountain bike. State college is a great place to ride, as I experienced when I was there last summer, but I thought I'd be giving up my activism by spending time and money mountain biking. Glad I got over that!

I get a lot out of riding my track bike in the city, mountain biking local single track, etc, but lately it's just not felt like enough. As I've gotten older, despite still dressing like a teenager, I've suppressed this part of me. It's as if there is a continuum with Dan Cortese (mtv sports!) on one side and Noam Chomsky on the other. You've got to choose your spot! If you are more Dan Cortese than you are less Chomsky! Silly, I know, but I feel like a lot of people think this way and I've internalized it and have quieted my inner Dan Cortese.

Leading into the last weekend of August (of summer?) Mike, Max and I went to Mammoth mountain, rented freeride bikes, got lift tickets and had a Dan Cortese hell of an extreme time. I won't deny it!

At the end of the day we hit some double diamond trails that had gems like this. I wish we had photos of some of the drops and bridges, but we were going too fast to try and stop and go back.

The day we left we took our 'normal' bikes out and rode some of the trails lower on the mountain. This is the same trail as the other wall-ride/berm I posted about.

These were the types of jumps I hit when I was 10. But with a hydration pak, clipped in and a road helmet it felt appropriately sized.

My friend Stephen, who let us crash, scored us lift tickets and took some of the photos, had just written a short story about another friend of ours first time on a freeride bike. You can read it here.

Have a great week and please don't forget about your inner Dan Cortese AND Noam Chomsky. They can get along just fine.

yes, there is a wallride in the woods in a magical place called mammoth

Just returned from back-to-back trips, one of which was Mammoth for some mountain biking. I've got photos, etc from the day we rented big hit bikes and got lift tickets (thanks Stephen!), but couldn't wait to post this video from us playing around the morning before we left. This is a trail called shotgun that we rode to from our friend's house. This just exists in the woods! Unbelievable.





While we were 'sessioning' this lip to wall these dudes on crazy DH bikes and full gear would come roaring down the trail. Every time we'd start yelling for them to hit the wall ride, but only like 1 out of 4 would. How could you pass this up?

What's distracting me this morning

Reading bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com is something I look forward to every day. Like my friend Stephen says, 'His writing is better than what multiple cycling magazines with editors can produce.' I agree. Yesterday's post discusses death and how cyclists occupy a middle ground,
'...the death membrane has extraordinary wicking properties, so sometimes all you need to do is touch it in order to wind up on the other side of it in a puff of vapor like an evaporating bead of sweat.'

On one hand we use every bit of caution available riding to and from where we need to go to avoid death. Then I watch something like the video below (ripped from Trackstar(r) they should put two r's on there Gangstarr style) and I see how others walk right up to it and say, 'I don't give a shit, I'll tailwhip out of a manual and 360 both ways down stairs.'